(Ahem)
So... My friend has been together with this guy. Although she once told him that she "should have kept you as a boytoy, but the deli across the street from your apartment made really amazing hoagies, which is why I spent the night so many times", things ended up progressing past casual dating and landed into relationshipville.
Fast Forward to now, but then Rewind to last week.
Lately, my friend has been typing on her lover's computer until her fingers bleed. She used to have her own until her mother dropped it on the ground and busted the hard drive. It is now used as a coaster in her friend's house, while he "fixes" it. If it isn't enough that she had to get used to this new computer with the most finicky keys around town, she also has to find a way to relieve herself of the pain that was inflicted when her very own computer died. So she types away, hoping that the action is rehabilitative enough for her heart. ...And so she doesn't get so bored that she slits her wrists.
Just last week, my darling, angelic friend who wouldn't harm an earthworm, woke up with an idea to type about. I think that she said that it was about her visions on feeding every needy child by rallying people and hosting charity drives. I'm sure that it was some shit like that. So get this: She turns on the computer and you know how if it isn't turned off properly, it goes back to the last thing that the last person on the computer looked at? Yeah, well this broad turned on the computer only to find some low rate porn engrossing the entire screen.
A little background information... My friend is normally around 130 pounds. Although she just passes the five foot mark, the pounds on her are kept tight and placed in appropriate places. It's not like she had a frying pan smashed in her face either. She looks like an average chick walking down the street. And the best part about her is her affectionate heart. She loves EVERYONE. I swear, this chick is the closest thing that we can hope for when it comes to a modern Mother Theresa.
And the porn? It was of a chick that had to be about 350 pounds. This bitch was a WHALE. She looked like she was put in the (I'm guessing that the bed was reinforced with professional grade steel) with a forklift. At first my friend laughed a bit. Was this a joke? A tasteless joke? It must have been. So she pressed the back button out of curiosity and guess what. Another whale. So she pressed it again. And ANOTHER whale. Her laughter soon trailed off and was replaced by disgust. And then she called me. I'll just reiterate what I'm sure she wanted to say.
My friend's mind:
Are you fucking kidding me? This is what he jacks off to? You've gotta be kidding me. What the hell is he doing with me if what he wants is a goddamn orca whale? Talk about resurfacing for motherfucking air. I can't believe this. I mean, yeah we both are skinny assholes that are secret chubby chasers. Well, I'm not so secret with it, cause this shit right here??? This shit is on another level. Goddamn! I'm appalled.
*So people, if you ever wake up at 4 in the morning to type on your lover's computer and find some crazy shit like this, you're not alone...
