Anyhow, I was coming back from the city and on my way home, I stopped at the gas station to fill up on junk food. Sadly enough, the food wasn't for my pregnant ass, but for my lover. His sugar addiction is making me look like a heroin addict. with my arms full of goodies, I made my way to the counter to shell out some loot. And that is when it happened. I looked to my left and saw the poppers. Of course, I was at a habib gas station, so they pretty much could sell fireworks and pocketknives and not give a fuck. That's why my automatic glee quickly subsided to a cool 'puhlease... poppers? I see this every single day' attitude. Inside though? Jesus Christ, I was overwhelmed with giddy butterflies...
Fast forward to the apartment...
So I get home, give SSL his junk food which NEVER amounts to any weight gain on him and then while he is indulging in his sweet garbage, I casually throw a popper at him, it pops louder than expected and he jumps, almost choking on his chips. So I laugh hysterically. Not even five minutes later we are jumping around like two untamed animals from the jungle trapped in the confines of the apartment. Our jabs go back and forth and then he finally says:
"OK, ALEXIS! Damn, you play too much". (His famous last words.)
But the fight wasn't over. He then went into the bathroom to brush his teeth, meaning it was nearing the end of the night for him. So while he was bent over to spit in the sink, I tried to goose him. And for anyone that doesn't know what that means, then google it because I don't want to sound like a pervert explaining it. When THAT bored me, and he was busy gargling his mouthwash, I tried to give him the heimlich maneuver. SSL apparently has grown accustomed to this childish horseplay, so I got frustrated, turned around and grabbed my dildo that I keep in the bathroom (to remind him that there are other options and the fact that I chose him, he should be happy). So I take the dildo and since it looks like a sword, I hit him with it. And THAT was when in his mind, he was going to ruin my night.
When he was done brushing his cute ass all hell teeth, I went to take a shower. Things got quiet, I though that he was in bed and then all of a sudden a bunch of cold water was poured over the shower and onto me. Normally, I wouldn't give a shit, but my hair was straight and since the water only hit half of my head, I was going to end up walking around like Harvey Dent. (I'm piping mad as I relive this...) The next thing that SSL saw was my naked body lunging at him with my claws out. It was King of The Ring for the next half hour. Finally, I got even more pissed and said "Fuck you, I'm sleeping on the couch!" And that is where I slept last night. On the motherfucking couch. Naked. Looking like Harvey fucking Dent!
So I woke up this morning and said some more mean shit to him until he went to work. And that is when I took this quiz below:
ARE YOU ABUSIVE?
***If you are unsure whether some of your behaviors are abusive, try taking the following quiz.
1. Tell your partner who they can talk to or hang out with?
YES
NO
*I would, but I like him to roam free so I can study him like an animal taken out of captivity and placed back in the jungle.
2. Call your partner names, criticize them, or embarrass them in front of others?
No
*By ourselves? Yes. I like to call him AnnaMae. In front of others? No.
3. Force your partner into doing something they don't want to do?
YES
NO
*It's not really "forcing" him. I like to call it persuading him.
4. Make your partner feel guilty if they don't do what you want them to do YES
NO
*Well how else would he do what I want him to do?
5. Interfere with your partners work, or school work? YES
NO
*He blames me when he is late to work. EVEN if I'm asleep 200 miles away.
6. Prevent your partner from seeing their friends and family? YES
NO
*Especially when I need alone time.
7. Follow your partner when they are not with you?
YES
NO
*Well, does GPS count? Just kidding... Or am I?
8. Are overly jealous? YES
NO
*Only of the BBW porn that he LOVES. Again I ask: What the FUCK?
9. Check up on your partner a lot: listen in on their phone calls, frequently ask where they have been, call frequently to check up on them, or check the mileage on their car. YES
NO
*That is what a PI is for.
10. Blame your partner for everything YES
NO
*When I take the blame, it helps with the whole guilt game. Duhhh...
11. Say that your partner's concerns and fears are not real or not important. YES
NO
*There is nothing that a stiff drink and a scrumptious plate of food can't cure.
12.Prevent your partner from leaving by blocking the doorway or holding on to them? YES
NO
*I would laugh too hard and he would get away.
13.Push, hit, or shove your partner YES
NO
(And this is when it got serious...)
14.Have an explosive temper? YES
NO
(This I can blame on genetics. EVERY female has this 'rage' in my family.)
15.Threaten to hurt or kill yourself if your partner leaves you? YES
NO
*I would if he wouldn't call my bluff.
16.Force your partner to have sex when they don't really want to? YES
NO
(And then this is when I started laughing so hard that the baby woke up and started kicking me.)
17.Damage or destroy your partner's possessions YES
NO
(I have only done this once.)
18.Threaten to harm partner, their family, friends or pets YES
NO
(His family or pets? No. Him? Daily.)
THEY DIDN'T PUT A #19 HERE and #20 pissed me off so I erased it.
21.Do things that make your partner seem scared? YES
NO
(Fucking hilarious. More laughter when in my mind I replay his "scared" face.)
22.Force your partner to use drugs including alcohol YES
NO
23.Threaten to expose partner's "secrets" YES
NO
*He's a Scorpio. That would take the rest of my life to do.
24.Force your partner to use drugs including alcohol YES
NO
(I'm a drinker, but I do most of the abusing in a sober state, which makes me think that it's a HUGE problem... that I don't do it when I'm drunk as well. Ahahaha.)
25.Threaten partner if they should tell anyone about the abuse YES
NO
*What kind of abuser with any skill needs to do that? Let's just say that it's just KNOWN that he doesn't tell...
So that was the quiz. This morning quickly became comedy hour because I couldn't help but laugh my ass off while I answered the quiz's questions. And now I wonder how deranged that must have looked to a fly on the wall. The results said that if you answered even just ONE "yes" to any of the questions, then you were abusive. I love the hell out of him, so what gives?!?!
