America Is FULL Of Rapists

Maybe I am the only person who feels this way.  I have to say though, I don't particularly care for public molestation.  I don't.  I mean, if I were the one who was doing it, then that might be another story.  But to be in public and feel like someone was about to rape me?  I'd rather be fed my own eyeball with the same spork that was used to gouge it out in the first place.

Yesterday AND EVERY DAY of this year so far (I'm guessing...) I have been in public and wanted to coldcock some motherfucker for trying to rape me.  Case in point?  Ok, so I'm in line at a deli and there are like five people in front of me.  I get in line about four to six feet away from the last person that was in line.  In walks in the nominee for Douche Of The Year and practically humps my leg like a Dalmatian in heat because I don't move up in line and hump everyone else.  Apparently if the person behind you in line gets questionably uncomfortably close to you, the line moves faster!  It drives me shithouse.  At times like this, I wish that I were The Human Torch so I could roast the hell out of these line-rapists.  My personal bubble has some obvious technical difficulties these days since people can't see where the hell it begins and ends.

I don't get it.  I'm in line.  You're behind me.  Then, there is a space between me and the person in front of me.  So you feel like if I humped them as well, then that would increase the productivity behind the counter?  Yeah right.  Rico Suave back there doesn't give a shit how the people in line feel.  He still makes minimum wage (whatever the hell that is these days) and is going to make your meal at the pace of a-.... well, at the pace of Me (since I move at the rate of death).  I need at least a foot and a half of space between me and the next person in line.  I really don't think that that is asking for too much.  And neither is getting my MOTHERFUCKING ORDER RIGHT, MR. SUAVE!

I don't give a F-U-C-K if you are young, old, male, female, shemale, in a fucking wheelchair even.  If I feel that your body (OR wheels) are getting too close to me, from now on I am going to look at you (my predator) dead in the eyes and interventionally say "Ma'am/Sir, I don't know if I was sending the wrong signals, wore something inappropriate or naturally look the part, but I would appreciate it if you... (and this is when I would yell the rest so that everyone else in line knew that I meant business) STOP TRYING TO RAPE ME!  ...thank you".  (*note* as I said this, I would also make eye contact with Rico and make the internationally known sign (that I created) for "if you fuck up my sandwich one more time, I'm going to give you a Mexican Necktie"). 

And then once they back up and give me enough space in line to breath in fresh air, I will turn around and calmly resume waiting to place my (bound to be fucked up) order.

I've had enough of this bullshit.  Don't believe me?  Try me...