I'm bored out of my mind. This is a common occurrence, too. Why, in an area of the United States that is boasted as one of the best travel spots, do I feel this way? Because New York City is one fat assed bowl of horseshit. There. I said it. Now go to your therapist and get over it. Besides good old California, New York has got to be the most regulated police states. It's no fun. You can't even fucking BREATHE without some type of law prohibiting you to. I guess that New York is like a puppy at a pet store. It lures you in with some fake ass promise to excite and comfort. It has so much going on on such a small mass that it sets on tractor beams and you go in for the buy. Then, when the dog gets older, you dispose of five piss stained rugs and wake up with your favorite shoes soaked in what looks like drool (and punctured with tiny bite marks), you consider euthanasia.
That's what I'd like to do with New York (and about 98% of the people there). I'd like to euthanize them. I'd like to wake up one day, go apprehend a bike from one of those scam artist bike rentals over at central park, take that bitch downtown to one of the buildings, go upstairs to the observatory and dump a pail of thumbtacks down on the crowd. And this is how frickin retarded people are there. They would SEE the tacks hitting the ground around them, yet they would STILL be stupid enough to look up and see where they are coming from. Morons. And that is why I won't feel bad when they look up and get thumbtacks lodged in their eyes. (Maybe I shouldn't be writing about this). Oh wait. But, it's not like I'd be able to get upstairs with the tacks in the first place. Since you have to be molested by security guards these days just to enter a building, I'm sure that I would be stopped. Which is why I am going to scale the building...
I was on the train the other day and was popping my bubble gum. Yeah, I said it! I was POPPING MY BUBBLEGUM. There I am on the D train surrounded by a bunch of city robots that do whatever the law tells them to. I'm listening to some music (perhaps ANOTHER enjoyable past time to be outlawed in the future) and chewing on some gum. So I'm busy listening to my song and daydreaming about all of these ominous Aruba ads that have been plastered inside the trains, taunting me since day one. Then, I wake from my dream, realize that I'm still on this godawful train and start to pop my gum in disgust. And that is when I am forced to realize this:
I popped my gum (something that people have been doing for years) and I might as well have been loading a semi automatic in front of a six year old. Everyone on the train jerked in their seat in shock, braced themselves and looked around with frightened eyes. What pussies. Seriously. That was a pusssy move on their end. When have people become so scared to live? It's fucking bubble gum for Christ's sake. Bubblegum. You mention 'New York' to anyone outside of the city and they have this look in their eyes that goes 'oooohhhh' like it's a huge deal. Here's the fucking truth. New York and everyone in the confines has been officially renamed by me "Pussyville". Maybe twenty years ago when it was more corrupt and free would I give it kuddos, but in this day and age, NYC is like Nike. It lives off of it's name. Just like Nike's shitty shoes (which were once quality), NY lives entirely off of a name that invokes memories. Cause New York right now? ...Well, it sucks dick. Maybe I should rename it 'Whoreville'... NYC is like a slutty looking, hot chick who's a dead fish in bed. Puhlease. Been there, done that. Moving on...
