I was wondering what other people wrote in their blogs, so I went carousing through random work. I mostly came up with people writing about their hobbies or their kids. "Bobby did the cutest thing today" or "I finally landed my hands on Spiderman #74". Things of that nature. All the while I'm rummaging through these blogs, I'm thinking about the lack of hobbies that I have and my very own offspring/devil spawn.
My kid is still in the womb cooking so I don't have much to say about it's daily monumental activities. I've been hooking up my ipod headphones to my belly so it doesn't get bored in there. I don't know if it's a girl or boy, so lets just call it 'shim' and hope that I don't jinx it to become a hermaphrodite upon delivery. So shim spends it's time listening to the likes of The Rolling Stones, Tupac, Broadway musicals, D'Angelo, Wham, and John Coltrane. I mix it up though. On my ipod, I have over 23 thousand songs, so shim gets a buffet.
My biggest fear is that shim is going to be an alcoholic. I have heard of females craving ice cream and pickles and odd shit like dirt (for the broads who have Pica), but I can't seem to build up any craving at all other than cigarettes and rum. It's well known that whatever a woman is craving during pregnancy, her body is usually deficit in. So does that mean that my body NEEDS the ciggs and rum- cause if that's the case, then by all means... PLEASE just take me to a bar ASAP. Oh wait. Rice Krispies. I don't crave them, but each time I eat them it's orgasmic.
And speaking of which, that's another thing that I crave. In the past three months, all that I have wanted to do was have sex and throw up (not necessarily in that order). My lover, who is supposed to be a sex crazed Scorpio must be malfunctioning because he told me that he doesn't want anymore kids if I can't control myself. It's not my fault. There is nothing wrong with having sex all day long. The trick is (if you have other shit to do) to tear it up so much that I fall asleep and then he can escape and go to work or do whatever people do during the day. Then, when I wake up and he isn't there, I'd make him a nice dinner to come home to. He still hasn't got that concept though. Can I just break it down really quick?
My thoughts are this: if you are in a relationship, then you are OBLIGATED to have sex whenever your "partner" wants it. Whenever. In a snowstorm, on a bus, in church, during breakfast, or any other time they have the urge. And this rule goes both ways. They should be ready for you as well. So here is where people get all butthurt over my logic. If you are in a relationship and you cannot keep up with your loved one's libidic (I made that word up) demands, then you need to find a surrogate. Seriously. If she/he comes to you and says 'drop trou' and you can't get in the mood, then you better have that surrogate on speed dial.
Or if she/he wants to do it at 3 in the afternoon and you have a meeting to go to, then get the surrogate to put in overtime. If this were the case, then many more relationships would be successful. And ALEXIS (ahem ahem) would sleep better at night.
What the hell? I try to write about Shim and look where it leads to. Sex. This kid has some real promising genes that it's inheriting...
