Porn Creates Inspiration. Can God Do That?

I woke up this morning, had a bowl full of pork fried rice and spent the rest of the day watching porn.  It wasn't normal porn either.  I seek the most horrific and demented porn around the net.  Sure, at times it makes me look in the mirror and question if I am the reincarnation of a perverted pimp from the 1820's.  If so, all of my girls would have been imported from the freak shows and they would have male "pets" that dressed up as the girl's favorite animals.  Not like fuzzies...   Well, maybe.  But to answer my own mental question, no, I am not the product of a reincarnation.

My porn habits only arise when i am very bored or very depressed.  Today, after calculating the 8+ hours that I spent watching human beings being rearranged, my mood increased by.02 out of a ten.  When the films were over I called upon one of my indentured male servants from the past.  He brought me in my chocolate chip cookies and I started to type.  This is my idea:  Donations.

Adults don't like to just give their money to other adults who are able bodied.  It's like "why the fuck am I going to give my hard earned money to this lazy sonofabitch?  Go get a job like the rest of us, you self loathing BASTARD!"  Yeah yeah yeah, I understand.  And that is exactly the reason why I'm going under disguise.  From the lowest depths of hell i came across a picture of myself when I was 6 or 7 years old.  I looked innocent, charming and a breath of fresh air.  The picture was taken on my trip to Disney World, so naturally I looked at my happiest.

For the purpose of my "donations", I am going to take that picture of me and place it on a jar with the caption:

"Hi.  My name is Alexis.  I am 6 years old.  My favorite

animal is a unicorn.  When I grow up I want to be a

vetinarian."

*With your donation, you can help get Alexis a heart

transplant and make her dreams come true.  Let

your change be the change in her life.

My younger sister lives in a quaint and friendly town, so I called on her for assistance with this personal treat.  Since my sister has the unassuming face of an Abercrombie model, I figure that she will be the perfect decoy.  Dressed in her usual high school attire, my sister will bring the jugs around town and ask the shop keeper (that's what they call them in small towns) if she can keep the jugs on the counter at the store.  When asked why, she will tell them that she is sponsoring "Alexis" through her church group.  Who would say no to a darling school girl that is doing a good cause for God?  Not even the Devil himself.

I know that this sounds like a copout from getting a real job, but the thought process alone set me back about 6 days.  I'm pooped.  Oh crap.  It's past 11:11.  I missed my wish!  ...damn.  And to think that just 3 hours ago I was watching a double amputee have sex with a midget, while I sipped from my juice box in bed.