...take that back. I do care. And I'd like to compose a letter to SSL.
Dear SSL,
Being a Scorpio, I thought that you would understand my Cancerian ways. You call me "stank", which I am guilty of being. Why am I this way? Because people are so full of shit, they make me sick. You know that I have a list of pet peeves and small talk is one of the front runners on that list. I think that 99.5% of people really don't give a fuck about other people that they are interacting with. Why would I rather chose to be tipsy (by which I really mean one sip away from being drunk) when I go to social functions? Because my drunk face masks my true feelings. If I were not under the influence, my face would mirror my thoughts and I'd be shunned into the 'bad kid' corner. Being under the influence, I tend to think of personal jokes that nobody else would understand and keep a smile on the entire night. Then, people think I'm nice. And that scares me. Why? Because how fucking gullible are adults in this day and age?
I'd rather keep it real and be me no matter what. I'll be honest. Even though I'd give the shirt off of my back for a complete stranger (that's not a joke), I really don't give a fuck about the general public. If someone is funny, intelligent or can keep my mind occupied, then by all means, send them my way. But for the most part, just know that I now have an understanding of your jerkish ways in keeping me away. You told me that you thought that my dickheadedness was just a phase. Well how fucking long did it take for you to realize that it wasn't? I mean, holy crap, SSL. I was a jerk the very day that I met you. Didn't that mean anything?! Hey, look at the bright side of things. At least I'm not a sociopath. (Side note: Chris Bosh is so ugly. Like an alien sort of.)
So instead of entertaining questions at functions about where I live, what kind of car I don't drive and what I do for a living, I guess that I'd rather keep things the way they are. Am I hurt by your revelation? Of course I am, silly. I do have a heart. But, am I also aware of your point of view? Sober me does, but drunk me is pissing on your front lawn and giggling. Just face it. We aren't the perfect couple. I'm not that Christian broad with a cross around her neck and a smile in her heart. I'm the dickheaded broad that everyone looks at and wonders "What the hell is a nice guy like him doing with her? She's such an asshole." And if you really care about what people think about me, then you are just as bad as everyone else out there. I'd like to hope that that isn't the case...
See you later in bed and DON'T expect any nookie, buster.
-Alexis
