Don't Kick Cookies

So I was helping my friend pick up a bunch of Girl scout cookies.  She did the crazy/smart form of birth control method and took on the responsibility of leading a troop of future acid tripping, lines of coke snorted off of their asses, crumbled up dollar bill tipped, clear stiletto wearing, 'my daddy didn't love me' proclaiming hookers.  Her troop is full of these sugared up 6 and 7 year olds that move around the room quicker than cockroaches on speed.  I wanted to punch myself in the face when I was helping her out with this fete.  Had I been given the insight she received, I too would have lead a troop of these broads just to insure that I would never have a kid of my own.  Her form of birth control is genius.  And I... am fucked.  Hindsight really raped me with this one.

Anyhow, we were picking up like a trillion boxes of cookies for her troop to peddle.  Each box of cookies contained 12 single boxes and in total, they filled up TWO Silverado beds.  I was recruited to help her with the cookies since I had access to the truck.  ...And because I'm a sucker.  It took a crew to load the cookies in the bed of the truck, but once we got to her house, we had to unload them ourselves. 

So there I was, jumping around the back of the truck like a monkey, trying to make order of the different flavor of cookies.  Things were going smooth and we had an unloading process that was pretty efficient.  I'm SO inpatient though that after about three and a half minutes of unloading, I started (ever so slightly) using my feet to sort of 'help' the cookies move faster.  That worked like a charm, so I got a bit eager and my feet started to get more aggressive.  At this point, my friend noticed that I was kicking the Girl Scout cookies clear across the bed of the truck.  "Hey Alexis, uhh, we don't offer refunds for broken cookies".  That's what she said to me and I'm all like:  "It's fucking 20 degrees out here.  If my imaginary nutsack were real today, I'd be choking on it".  That's how cold I was and that's how far my balls would retract in my body.  But she was my friend, so I was there helping her out.  And since I'm like a crackhead when it comes to Thin Mints....

I bought like 12 boxes of cookies from my friend's troop and it must be karma because each one has an excess of broken cookies, or if you will, ..."crumbs".  Seriously, let's just hope that I got the worst of the bunch, otherwise troop #(I don't fucking know) is going to have LOTS of angry customers.  The lesson that I leaned through it all?  Don't act like an asshole and kick someone elses cookies.  And if there is NO POSSIBLE WAY that you can talk yourself out of doing so, don't be such a fucking retard that you purchase 12 boxes of them afterwards...  Otherwise, like me, you'll end up getting your fix any way that you can even if that means snorting crumbs of Thin Mints off of your kitchen floor.  Don't you DARE judge me!