I never told anyone this before today, but I'm pretty much over the moon in knowing that I don't have inverted nipples. I was never a fan of those. I'm also glad that my belly button is an inny. (Is that how you spell it?) When I was younger and had a pot belly from overeating, I had an outty, but I did that old wives thing and taped a quarter over my belly button until it hid away inside my cave, which is now my inny. And even though I was told as a young child that I had "Flinstone Feet", I now realize that it's because I have esthetically pleasing, modelesque toes that fall in line with each other. Unlike the person who told me how fucked up my feet looked, I didn't have the long second toe that
they were conflicted with.
(I've read that a longer second toe was a sign of a dominating personality, but now I'm just guessing that "dominating" means "shitbag". And since the person is now ridden with smoker wrinkles that ages them by at least 15 years, I guess that my interpretation is more likely accurate than the general one.)
My troubled body part, you ask? Initially, I would say that it's my lopsided boobs or my dinner plate aereolas that could feed an
entire village. It's not though. It's my cankles. Not until I was in my late teens did I realize that I had rather large ankles. I thought that it was just a bunch of muscle from running all the time. Not thinking that I was on the verge of a serious case of edema, I brushed it off. I don't recall the exact moment when I came face to face with my stumpy legs, but I remember the first time someone else did. Just like it happened five minutes ago...
I was in Los Angeles with my older sister and we were eating a late nite meal with her friends. I was on my best behavior, acted very nice and was minding my own business. Well, her friend had made a comment about my feet looking really cute and reached under the table to grab them. In doing so, he reached for my ankle to get a better look at my little pups and his face contorted into ...hmmm... I wouldn't say that it was disgust. I wouldn't even say that it was a peculiar curiosity. His face just looked... in shock. At that life changing moment he said "DAMN GIRL! You've got some cankles!"
And that was the moment. Everyone stopped eating, froze in place and waited for my response. And out of my mouth fell
"...yeah. I do..." That's all. No need to hide the truth. If that person could only see my feet now... Thanks to this preggo bullshit, I have elephant stumps. No matter how much I workout in the gym, these guys swell up and hurt like the dickens. (Bad play on words.
Not what I meant to say.) I told SSL that I'm going to put sweatbands on my ankles, promoting water loss. He told me that I was overreacting, but when a person like him (who LOVES fat broads) looks down at my feet and his eyes widen the same way they did when we were at the Coney Island side show, I really have to wonder. I knew something was terribly wrong when I couldn't fit into my chucks anymore...
