*Don't fuck up my house and cause me to get a bunch of repairs
*No girls allowed
*No drugs or alcohol
(oh wait. my oatmeal just finished. hold on.)
I'm back. Where was I? My rules.... Oh! And so the last rule that I gave him was No other occupants besides him. I'm not a mean landlord, just a strict one. So far, this monster has been a pretty good tenant. Sure he gets rowdy and maybe his anger gets the best of him because he moves around his room like he is pacing nonstop. And I don't know if he is taking some extra gym classes, but he better not be kicking the shit out of my sheet rock like I imagine he's doing. I'll send his ass right to court- I swear to God.
I only see him about once a month just to make sure that things are going well, but I still for some reason know his schedule. It's get up at any hour his unemployed ass wants to, eat some food, maybe watch some smut television, exercise a bit with his damn workout videos, sleep, wake up and pace, sleep, (and I'm thinking that he's a drinker because he has the hiccups at times). When this cretin has the hiccups it's like my whole house is shaking. I must be boarding an alcoholic.
Sometimes his antics drive me nuts and I turn up my music, put my speakers right up to his wall and try to shut him up. Does it work? Well, apparently Bobby Brown, Prince and Chacka Khan are his favorites because he starts dancing, which I try not to advocate. During the night though, when I want to sleep, I play John Coltrane or my favorite Duke Ellington song: In A Sentimental Mood. For some reason, that shuts him up. Either he goes to his bed or he just falls out in the middle of the floor from a drunken stupor. I'm not sure because I still haven't seen the way he's decorated, let alone the damage that he's doing to my apartment.
(oh wait. my oatmeal just finished. hold on.)
I'm back. Where was I? My rules.... Oh! And so the last rule that I gave him was No other occupants besides him. I'm not a mean landlord, just a strict one. So far, this monster has been a pretty good tenant. Sure he gets rowdy and maybe his anger gets the best of him because he moves around his room like he is pacing nonstop. And I don't know if he is taking some extra gym classes, but he better not be kicking the shit out of my sheet rock like I imagine he's doing. I'll send his ass right to court- I swear to God.
I only see him about once a month just to make sure that things are going well, but I still for some reason know his schedule. It's get up at any hour his unemployed ass wants to, eat some food, maybe watch some smut television, exercise a bit with his damn workout videos, sleep, wake up and pace, sleep, (and I'm thinking that he's a drinker because he has the hiccups at times). When this cretin has the hiccups it's like my whole house is shaking. I must be boarding an alcoholic.
Sometimes his antics drive me nuts and I turn up my music, put my speakers right up to his wall and try to shut him up. Does it work? Well, apparently Bobby Brown, Prince and Chacka Khan are his favorites because he starts dancing, which I try not to advocate. During the night though, when I want to sleep, I play John Coltrane or my favorite Duke Ellington song: In A Sentimental Mood. For some reason, that shuts him up. Either he goes to his bed or he just falls out in the middle of the floor from a drunken stupor. I'm not sure because I still haven't seen the way he's decorated, let alone the damage that he's doing to my apartment.
All in all I guess that having a monster live with you as your tenant is ...satisfactory. I don't go out and party anymore because I'm afraid that in my absence, he will ruin my home. I've even stopped smoking because I don't want him to pick up the habit or "develop" asthma and charge me for it later on down the line. I guess that you could say that my life has become (for lack of better words) fucking boring. The lease is almost up though, so I guess that I won't have to deal with this monster living in my house anymore. Am I happy? Hmmmmm.... Can I get back to you on that? This little jerk must have just woke up from a nap. He's making a fuss again...
*No midnight parties
