So when I was in high school, I got a free Buick. This beastly fortress of a vehicle was named (by me of course) The Titanic. ...The Titanic... While the other little lads in my school had parents who loved them, I was gifted with this monstrosity to shlep around town. Was I embarrassed? I'll be honest. Not really. I'll take freedom on wheels in any form EXCEPT for an El Camino. Don't even get me started... Besides it being free, I think that the best thing about The Titanic was that once you got it up to speed, you could take your foot off the accelerator, rig the steering wheel and hop in the back seat for a nap if you wanted to because the sheer weight of this tank kept the bastard rolling for miles. I would drive down the highway in the summer with one foot out the window, a cig dangling from my mouth and all the windows down while other more fortunate and cuter chicks cruised by in their Beemers that their parents bought them. Who cared though? Unlike the name, my car was indestructible.
Its best feature? Its durability and the punishment that my babe could withstand. My car was like a fat assed beastly whale of a bride and I was her abusive suitor. When I got angry I could kick the shit out of her side panels and my puppies wouldn't even leave a dent. I'd sit on her hood at night and smoke as the sun set, just like a formal date, and she wouldn't even cave under my weight. Cars these days? you look at them wrong and they crumble under that horseshit fiberglass they are made of. People have become accustomed to paying more money for shittier products. And why am I even bringing this up?
Lets see here... Because in less than a week, I have broken two cell phones. (Side note: If you have Sprint, get rid of them as a carrier ASAP.) My phones have been bearing the brunt of my freakishly erratic hormonal sessions as of late. Currently, my phone is on the counter in pieces. After being disconnected over six times this morning, I had a quick softball flashback and practiced my fast pitch. Sadly, the phone smashed against what I thought was regular sheet rock, but what was really concrete. Oops. Had my phone been constructed like my Buick, this bullshit could have been averted to a more understandable ending between my cell phone and I. Too bad. So sad. I've got to go write some letters...
